Let’s make America Pathetic Again

I promise you that anybody who wants to come to this country will be able to come here; and I promise them that we will take care of them so they do not have to work if they do not want to.
I promise you children will never be separated from their parents when they cross the border and these children will never want for anything, because we care about children.
I promise any woman in America who delivers a baby, takes a look at that child, and decides she does not like the color or the child is too ugly or for whatever reason does not want the child; that woman will be able to abort that delivered child. And of course we will make that child comfortable as we wait for it to die… because we care about children.
You know what is really not fair in America? It’s these people who work 60, 70, 80 hours a week and their businesses become really successful and they make end up making 10’s and 100’s of millions of dollars; all while these lazy people refuse to work and have nothing.
I promise you when I am president I will make sure that these hard working millionaires pay a much higher tax in order to give it to these lazy people who refuse to work.
There is nothing more important than fixing global warming… I mean climate change. I will make sure that in my second term; cars, planes, trains, light bulbs and cows will be eliminated from America.
No one needs these luxuries to go to work. There is no reason individuals take a skate board to work; yes even if it is 20 miles. There is no reason a Californian cannot ride a bike if he has pressing work in New York.
We must take care of our planet in the next 5 months or earth will no longer exist… Chicken Little WAS right.
I promise to make sure every American legal or not will have healthcare. Healthcare is a right that everyone who can get into this country deserves; working or not.
Every American who has borrowed money and given their word and legal signature to pay it back; I promise you will be forgiven of that debt.
Any woman who says they have been raped; thought of being raped; talked about being raped or dreamed about being raped; I promise they will be believed and whoever they say, thought of, talked or dreamed about raping them will be put in jail.
I will also make sure that rapist, murderers, thieves and other criminals will be able to vote while in prison. Why should a rapist or murder lose any of their rights?
Oh and I had permission to grab her boob… (Clinton voice) I never had to have permission; if I want a 10 year old intern I’d just throw her down on the oval office floor and have my way with her. That’s how I roll.
When I am president I guarantee that all teachers get a “common sense” raise, to ensure our children continue to learn absolutely nothing.
And lastly as President Demoncrat, I will ensure that personal responsibility never again exists in America, of course with the exception of Conservative Republicans, Christians and real Americans.
If any of us does something evil, immoral, corrupt, wrong, or flawed, we will simply blame someone else… preferably the Conservative Republicans, Christians and real Americans.
This is what I stand for and believe… Please vote for me in 2020.
Let’s make America pathetic again.


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